A terrifying 'compliment'

I was walking back from the store near my house in the middle of the day. I waiting at the crossing, and noticed a man in a white truck (with a baseball cap, sunglasses and a white beard) was openly staring at me, which I ignored. Whenever I looked discreetly over without turning my head he was still staring. I crossed the road, thinking that was the end of it, and went into a bookstore. I was in there for around ten minutes. I exited the store, and continued walking home. The man in the white truck pulled alongside me. He had been waiting for me for the ten minutes I was in the store. Now, bear in mind this was next to a stretch of waste ground, with no-one around. If this was just his way of giving me an innocent "compliment", he was really fucking stupid, because it was terrifying. I didn't wait to find out what he wanted (though his grinning and gestures inviting me to 'hop in' to his truck made it pretty obvious) and ran to the nearest store which was a couple of hundred meters away up a hill. The store owner said I could wait in there as long as I wanted, but told me that I needed to be more careful (walking around brazenly as I was in the middle of the day in jeans and a t-shirt) because the man might have mistaken me for a working girl.

Ann Other

Some people really will holla at anything

Even at me, wearing my husband's baggy t-shirt and the nastiest pair of khakis with a bleach stain down the front, and an inch of hair on my head, walking the 100 meters from my front door to the grocery store.

When I had a shaved head it was blissfully quiet at my bus stop for a couple of days. Then it started to grow back.

It seems like to a lot of passing drivers, it's not a way of paying as compliment or displaying interest in a woman, it's simply at best a greeting. As in "I have noticed you have a vagina, so honk honk! Hahahahaha! Made you jump!" Which feels pretty damn harassing to me.

I have tits, did you know?

I was walking the 30 minutes from my workplace to my apartment, when I finally got tired of getting yelled at by passing cars; just the usual: "I love you" or the evergreen (Honk honk) "Hey BAby..." except it had happened five times in the last ten minutes. I called my husband, thinking, at least I'll have something to do with my hands while feeling stupid, I'm tired of having my walk in the sunshine ruined, I want to talk to someone who not only actually does love me, as opposed to just yelling it from a passing car before he's even met me, but also realizes I am a person, and I am beginning to feel unsafe and on edge.

"Hi, how are you?"
"What do you want?" (Yes, this is his little joke. So funny.)
"I've been honked at five times on the way home from work and I thought perhaps if they saw I was talking to someone they'd leave me alone."
"hey, .... TITS!!!!!!!....." says a passing car.
"What was that?"
"Someone telling me I have tits."
"Oh."
"Nice."
"Yep."
"Yep."

Ann Other

Actually it's really frightening

I was walking to the gas station next to my apartment complex the other night at around 9pm (yes, sometimes lone women need to do that) when a man came up behind me and shouted "How does it feel to be so beautiful?" or some such shit. (Bear in mind it was dark, and all that was identifiable about me was that I was a woman.) Having looked to check he wasn't armed, and was in fact alone, for some reason the following words came out of my mouth: "Actually it's really frightening, because strange men think they can come up to you and yell at you." He toddled off, muttering.

I do like HollaBack NYC's FAQ

and they were kind enough to say it was fine to post them here.

Question:Are you a bunch of crazed feminazis who hate men?
Answer: Actually, HollaBackNYC is a collective comprised of men and women who believe in building communities where everyone feels comfortable, safe, and respected. Many people, particularly men, are unaware of the frequency and severity of disrespect and intimidation that numerous folks, especially women, experience in public spaces on a daily basis. HollaBackNYC aims to expose and combat street harassment as well as provide an empowering forum in this struggle.

Question: OK, but what exactly is street harassment?
Answer: Street harassment is a form of sexual harassment that takes place in public spaces. At its core is a power dynamic that constantly reminds historically subordinated groups (women and LGBTQ folks, for example) of their vulnerability to assault in public spaces. Further, it reinforces the ubiquitous sexual objectification of these groups in everyday life.At HollaBackNYC, we believe that what specifically counts as street harassment is determined by those who experience it. While there is always the classic, "Hey baby, nice tits" there are so many other forms that go unnoted. If you feel like you have been harassed, HOLLA BACK!

Question: But aren’t you worried that your site will fuel the latent vindictiveness within women and LGBTQ-identified folks across the country, leading to a massive witch-hunt and rampant Soviet-style denounciations of countless innocents?
Answer: No.

Question: I heard something about your position on antiracism. What’s that about, and what does it have to do with street harassment?
Answer: Replacing sexism with racism is not a proper holla back. Due in part to prevalent stereotypes of men of color as sexual predators or predisposed to violence, HollaBackNYC asks that contributors do not discuss the race of harassers or include other racialized commentary. If you feel that race is important to your story, please make sure its relevance is explained clearly and constructively in your post. Don’t understand? Click here.

Question: But isn’t your idea of “street harassment” just belittling another person’s culture?
Answer: Street harassers occupy the full spectrum of class, race, and ethnicity. Sexual harassment, and street harassment specifically, is resisted around the world. To condense another’s culture into vague assumptions about who and what they are is to generalize dangerously about a wide range of experiences and perspectives.

Question: Confronting street harassers can be dangerous. What about safety issues?
Answer: While everyone is vulnerable to stranger rape and sexual assault, studies show that those who are aware of their surroundings, walk with confidence and, if harassed, respond assertively, are less vulnerable. Nevertheless, direct confrontations with street harassers may prove extremely dangerous, particularly alone or in unpopulated spaces. While it is each individual’s right to decide when, how, and if to Holla Back, do keep issues of safety in mind. Upon deciding to photograph a harasser, you may consider doing so substantially after the initial encounter and from a distance, ensuring the harasser is unaware of your actions.

Question: I am a man who was recently sexually objectified by a woman on the street. I think this is reverse harassment. Why won’t you post my story?
Answer: While a woman making unsolicited sexual remarks to a man is certainly conceivable, the power dynamics of such an encounter are very different in a society where women comprise a historically subordinated group. HollaBackNYC is a project dedicated to combating a particular form of violence that designates subordinated groups (such as women and LGBTQ folks, for example) as targets in public spaces or otherwise vulnerable to unsolicited, nonconsensual encounters with strangers. It is thus not a forum for reporting other unpleasantries.

Question: Isn’t street harassment the price you pay for living in a city?
Answer: No, local taxes are the price you pay for living in a city. We would love to see some portion of our local taxes go towards preventing street harassment, but alas, they don’t.In fact, street harassment is not confined to urban areas. It occurs in shopping malls, cars, parking lots, public parks, airplanes, fast-food restaurants, gas stations, churches, and numerous other public spaces.

Question: So let’s say a man sees a woman he thinks is attractive and tells her so. Are you saying that makes him a harasser?
Answer: Some do not find comments such as “Hello, beautiful” or “Hey, gorgeous” offensive. Many do. Others may find them intimidating, intrusive, or just an annoying pain in the ass. Keep in mind that many women experience unsolicited comments, as well as violent verbal assault, from men in public spaces on a regular basis. Rather than deliberating the “grey areas” of street harassment, treat everyone you encounter with respect.

Question: If you show off your boobage, shouldn’t you expect some compliments?
Answer: Sure, expect them, but don’t accept them! Just because it happens doesn’t mean it’s okay. A compliment is not a compliment if it makes the recipient feel bad.

Question: Sure, but if "the harasser" were hot, wouldn’t you like it?
Answer: This has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with power.

Question: You’re just a bunch of prudes, then?
Answer: Like we said, this has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with power.

Question: Street harassment sucks, but it’s only a small part of the patriarchy. Doesn’t focusing on this specific issue detract from everything else we're up against?
Answer: The violence and disrespect experienced daily by countless people in public spaces is a serious problem with real, material consequences. While HollaBackNYC is a project dedicated to this particular issue, it is committed to a coalitional approach and situates street harassment within a larger framework of social and economic questions. Thus, the collective collaborates with a diverse range of feminist, queer and antiracist initiatives. To see what we’re up to, subscribe to our mailing list!

HollaBackNYC is not responsible for the accuracy of individual postings. All views and positions expressed in posted submissions are those of individual contributors only.